Cannabis Tales #2 (Tales of the Genius Weed Scientist)

Yordles, what a conniverous species. This is a tale of affection, a romance between our beloved tiny humanoids. A pair of yordles who found connection and comfort in an otherwise dark world. This is the tale of Teemo and Lulu. Let us begin.

“Never underestimate the power of the scout’s code”, Teemo chanted to himself one day, pulling up mushrooms in the mysterious jungle. A rare and exotic find, Teemo collected these native mushrooms for their noxious neurotoxin. He had been researching strange fungi for most of his working life, collecting deadly poison that would despoil the most hardy of warriors. What most people didn’t know is that Teemo spent most of his time working as a freelance assassin, and mushrooms were crucial to his work. However, he admired their sturdy growth, efficacious venom, and would spend long afternoons trying to breed them, and refining their various toxins. His other tools were relatively simple, a hand crafted blowgun, a light outfit, and creative use of foliage, but the mushrooms took up the bulk of his time. Many hours were spent looking through vials, and passed in silence noting their effects through a high powered microscope. Do you know how hard it is to keep one of those clean in the jungle?

Continuing with the story, Teemo was arming his campsite with mushroom based traps when he saw a merry female yordle approaching from the jungle. How strange. No one ever comes from the jungle, alive at least. Teemo hurries forward, struggling to keep his hat on while deftly avoiding her direct gaze. On closer inspection, she was a finely dressed creature, wearing a most ludicrous large hat to shield her face from the sun, and a most obnoxious, daring purple composure. How livid, how indecent. She galloped most comfortably in thick shoes, and carried a mystical staff by her hand. And then, most curious, was a small pixie companion she held in her other. And she seemed to be running straight into Teemo’s minefield.

“Oh dear”, Teemo wiggled, “Oh dear oh dear oh dear.” He jumped quickly from cover to stop the unsuspecting yordle, and by the barest of inches, saved her from a most untimely demise.

“Oh!” Lulu cried, for that was the creature’s name. “How silly of me not to see you there!”

Teemo pushed himself off of Lulu, said while dusting off his clothes, “Excuse me madam, but you were going to run straight into a trap.”

“Trap?” Lulu mired, “How delightful!”

“Oh no”, came the response, “Not delightful at all. Very deadly. Very poisonous.” To show this off, he picked the elaborate confectionery from its hiding place, and threw it far off where it promptly exploded. A green and purple mushroom cloud rose off the detonation, culminating in a foggy skull that floated off in the breeze. Lulu hopped, skipped, jumped to the clearing, and found a smooth crater, the ground evidently boiled away, and a clean, clear smoke devoid of unoxidized particles.

Lulu took a deep breath and shrieked herself silly. Teemo, worried, rushed over to ask, “Madam, is everything alright?”

Lulu, in convulsions, yelped “Pix! Joyous tidings! Pix!”

Teemo, afraid she had taken leave of her sense entirely, asked, “Is Pix a person?”

“Pix is a faerie.” Lulu stood up and said. “And I’m the fae sorceress, it’s nice to meet you”, giving her hand to Teemo.

Blithely, Teemo took it, and said something which sounded like, “It’s nice to meet you too.”

At this, the pixie following Lulu let out a series of buzzes and chatterings, which Lulu translated as, “Pix returns his regards.”

The two stood there for awhile, near the scene of desolate fauna, until an idea took Teemo by surprise. “Would you like to join me for some tea?” he asked.

“A tea party!” Lulu exclaimed in excitement. She spun around, and instantly, fine coverings, a furnished table, and tea ceramics popped into existence. Chairs flew and seated them both opposite each other. With a tap of her staff, she turned Pix, her faerie companion, into a yordle-sized white rabbit, complete with a top hat, suit, and luscious fur. The white rabbit grabbed a teapot and began servicing the two, in perfect English, “For our fine mister and mistress.”